This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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