Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
