I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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