He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
