i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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