My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would ride that face into the sunset
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
