Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
