how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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