Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
