he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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