in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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