I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
