I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
