yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Panties = found
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
