In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
