Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
