I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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