We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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