girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
