So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
