I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
