btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
