i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize