when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
