wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
