I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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