I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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