Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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