I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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