If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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