you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
