I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
