woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
