Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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