Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
