Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
