I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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