It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
