this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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