Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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