This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
