Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
