Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
