do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
