I can text with my tongue
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
