I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
