Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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