wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
