I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
