Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
