I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
