Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
