how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
