420 ftw
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
