I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
