your thong is hanging out like whoa
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
